Parents, I hope you are continuing to benefit from Mark’s special Fathers Day message: “Love is Kind.” (If you didn’t hear it on Sunday, you can download the MP3 here.) This message is so helpful for parents because self-righteousness may be one of the most blinding, and the most serious, ways that parents sin towards their teenagers.

Mark explained simply: Self-righteousness is believing that my opinions and behavior are morally superior to those of others. But: Love will dispose us to relate to sinners with patience and without self-righteousness.

Need help detecting self-righteousness? Ask yourself (or others) if any of these statements sound familiar:

• “I sure hope my husband/wife/son/daughter/friend is listening to this message. He really needs it.”
• “I can’t believe he…”
• “How could she…?”
• “How many times have I…?”
• “This is the last time…”
• “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard/seen/read…”

Or maybe:

• You ask leading questions
• You don’t ask questions at all, you simply assume you know what the situation is
• You complain a lot, assuming “I deserve better than this.”
• You are quick to find fault
• Your criticisms are sharp, pointed, and specific while your encouragement is general, vague, and infrequent
• The gospel rarely comes up in your conversations
• Correction is about getting satisfaction, not about serving the other person.

If any of these descriptions fit you, you may self-righteousness may be a helpful description of what is going on in your heart. We’re self-righteous because we’re proud. Self-righteousness distorts our view of ourselves and others by exaggerating our virtues, and exaggerating others’ deficiencies.

But there is hope through the gospel: remembering that Jesus Christ died for sins gives us the right perspective. We are reminded of our sin, lessening our view of ourselves. And we are reminded that this person is someone for whom Christ died. If he can bear their sin, we can expect this grace to teach us to wait peacefully and suffer long. I particularly like Mark’s “paraphrase for parents” of 1 Corinthians 13:1-7:

If I speak the gospel to my children but have not love, I am a noisy gong or clanging cymbal. And if I have the rod and use it at just the right times, and if I understand how to shepherd my child’s heart, and if I have all faith so as to persevere through the twos and the teens, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have for tuition and weddings and if I deliver up my car and many a good night’s sleep as well, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

As a way to apply this, and to involve your family in your sanctification, ask those around you these questions:

1. Would you describe me as a patient person?
2. What do I look like and sound like when I am impatient?
3. Are there times when you are more aware of my displeasure than my affection?
4. Do you believe I am more concerned about my own sins than about yours?

Categories: Thursday Thoughts For Parents, five15 blog