GirlTalk On Kauflin On Teens And Music

Any post that begins thus gets my attention:

How can we as parents make wise decisions on music that really glorifies God when we really don’t have specific guidelines? Do we simply go by what makes us comfortable and uncomfortable? How can we make our children make wise decisions when it comes to music?

This question was posed to the GirlTalkers recently, and they responded with a post on Tuesday, quoting extensively from Bob Kauflin. I think this is timely for us, since my invitation to our teens to Submit A Song to the five15 playlist has generated 75 some entries. It is easy to talk about songs, albums, and artists, but not so easy to talk about discernment and godliness. I think these words can help.

Allow me to quote the GirlTalkers, quoting Bob Kauflin: (by the way, this is just enough to get you started. To learn more, listen to these two messages by Bob: God, Music, and Me, part 1 and part 2)

This is a great question, and one that millions of Christian parents should be asking. How do I teach my children to be discerning in their music choices?

Typically Christians take one of two positions on how we should relate to music. Either we label certain kinds of music as evil and avoid them completely, or we assume that music is simply a matter of personal taste and we are free to listen to anything. Both views free us from actually thinking through the biblical issues. Here are a few thoughts to help us guide our children (and ourselves!) through the process in a way that honors God.

First, if your children are drawn to a certain kind of music or artist, make sure that you have a good relationship with them already established. If your children feel your correction more than your encouragement, if you see them as problems rather than gifts, or if you want to deal with this in a 5 minute lecture, you’re going to have difficulty helping them discern the right path to follow. Strong, godly family relationships are one of the greatest helps in resisting the deceptive pull of the world.

Second, communicate to your children that you are training them to be discerning in every area, including their musical choices. Until you know they mistrust their heart in this area and are self-disclosing, you should be aware of everything they listen to. The Internet and Ipods have made that a little more difficult than it used to be, but that’s why trust and self-disclosure are so important. Sit down and read lyrics together. Listen to music as a family. Talk about what makes songs good or bad. Parents who have no idea what their children listen to may be allowing the world to shape their children’s hearts and minds.

Third, I’d want to be very sure that my children are able to discern the difference between certain kinds of music and the ungodly culture often associated with it. I don’t believe that any musical genre is evil in itself. Rap music is one example. Typically, it’s associated with violence, cursing, rebellion, and abuse of women, among other things. However, I have a good friend at Covenant Life Church, Curt Allen (aka Voice), who has been instrumental in helping me see how rap can be used to communicate biblical truths effectively. However, if my children aren’t exhibiting discernment in other areas, I wouldn’t introduce them to a style of music or an artist whose associations could lead them to embrace worldly values and attitudes. My goal would be to help them see that listening to music without discernment and godly intent reveals a heart willing to flirt with love for the world (1 John 2:15-17). Sadly, that caution applies to music that is produced by Christians as well as non-Christians. Music videos, advertising, liner notes, web sites should all be considered when thinking about whether or not it’s good to listen to a certain artist. All these reveal whether or not an artist is seeking to honor God not only in their music, but in the way they dress, speak, and act.

Fourth, I wouldn’t let a desire to listen to a particular artist or style of music dominate their thinking, schedule, time, or desires. That often reveals the presence of idolatry. If their exposure to a certain kind of music produces godly fruit they can continue listening to it. But if I saw their countenance, actions, dress, speech, or behavior being negatively influenced by the music they were listening to, or if their spiritual zeal waned, I’d make the music off limits and talk to them about what was going on in their heart. I’d stress that this isn’t simply a matter of preference, but helping them think about their world more biblically.

I know some very godly teens and adults who like music and artists that I don’t particularly enjoy. But they listen to it occasionally, enjoy other genres, and reject the arrogant, immoral culture that often accompanies the secular versions. If I wasn’t convinced that that was my child’s attitude, I’d be foolish to allow them to feed their desire for a certain musical style, even with Christian lyrics.

In the final analysis, the question isn’t whether my children should listen to rap or country or jazz or the Barlow Girls. Rather, it’s whether or not my children distrust their hearts and desire to make choices that honor the Savior who bought them with his own blood. If I’m leading them in those areas, musical choices are going to come much easier.

Categories: Thursday Thoughts For Parents, five15 blog