Our sins are never purely external. Early on in our marriage, I remember confessing anger to Nicole. She happily forgave and then looked at me expectantly. “What?”, I asked, smugly confident that I had done my duty. “Why were you angry?” Nicole was getting at the heart of my anger: the hidden motives and cravings that led to the outward manifestations of my sin.

Luke 6:43-45 (the basis for The Three Trees) is very clear that there is a connection between our behavior and our hearts:

“For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”

Getting at the roots of our sin explains the behavior. What do you want and believe? What do you fear? What lies are you believing about God, yourself, and others? What does Scripture say about these desires, fears, and beliefs? Write ‘em down. Stuck? Try filling in the blank: “I want…” “I need…” “I wish…” “Things would be better if…”

I have to warn you that looking at your heart on this level can be hard. Sometimes you can’t think of a single thing, something it seems like a single sinful action is connected to a half-dozen sinful motives. Getting help from others on this will often move you much further, much faster than you can ever get on your own.

Another thought about involving others: plan on walking through this with someone else, preferably your parents. Working it all out on your own and showing someone else the finished product isn’t necessarily humble if you aren’t willing to listen to their input and allow them to ask you the difficult questions about patterns of sin.

Spend as much time as you need here, but not more than that. We’re not analyzing our hearts for the sake of analysis. No one has ever changed from just considering the connection between behavior and cravings. We’re doing this to arrive at a single step of simple obedience. That’s repentance. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Stay tuned. In the mean time, here are some “X-Ray Questions” to help you better understand your heart (from Lane & Tripp, How People Change, pp. 163ff):

• What do you love? Is there something you love more than God or your neighbor?
• What do you want? What do you deisre? What do you crave, long for, wish?
• What do you seek? What are your personal expectations and goals? What are your intentions?
• What do you fear? Fear is the flip side of desire.
• What do you feel like doing? This is a synonym for desire.
• What do you think you need?
• What makes you tick? What really matters to you? What are you living for?
• Whose performance matters to you?
• Who are your role models? Who are the people you respect?
• What would bring you the greatest pleasure? The greatest misery?
• What do you see as your rights? What do you feel entitled to?
• What do you think about most often?

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