Parents,

For today’s Thursday Thoughts, I can’t do better than to steer you to Dr. Al Mohler’s blog post yesterday entitled, “Dumbing Down Literacy–Do Your Kids Read Books?”

Dr. Mohler opens with an insightful analysis of a recent Washington Post article, profiling the changes in modern student literacy. The article explains how the modern approach to literacy doesn’t necessarily connect to reading:

The buzzword in the trade is “information literacy,” a misnomer, because what it is really about is mastering computer skills, not promoting a love of reading and books. These days, librarians measure the quality of returns in data-mining stints. We teach students how to maximize a database search, about successful retrieval rates. What usually gets lost in the scramble is a careful reading of the material.

Some parents will argue, “so what?” Times are a-changing, right? Electronic media are replacing older forms. Old with the old, in with the new, they say. What’s the problem? Dr. Mohler goes on to explain why Christian parents should put the brakes on book-abandoning:

Librarians and secular educators have ample reason for concern, but Christians must look at this reality with an even greater concern.

Reading is an important Christian discipline. Further, growth as a Christian disciple is closely tied to the reading of the Bible, as well as worthy Christian books. This is why the Christian church has championed the cause of literacy. It is why the Reformers fought for the translation of the Scriptures into vernacular languages.

A loss of literacy and respect for the book amounts to grave danger for the Christian church. The transmission of Christian truth has been closely tied to scrolls, codices, and books throughout the history of the Church — a legacy inherited from the Jews, who often protected the sacred scrolls with their lives.

The electronic media have their places and uses, and I am thankful for the accessibililty of so much worthy and important information through digital means. Nevertheless, the electronic screen is not the venue for lengthy, thoughtful, serious reading. The vehicle for serious reading is the book, and the Christian should be a serious reader.

Do our own young people read books? Do they know the pleasures of the solitary reading of a life-changing page? Have they ever lost themselves in a story, framed by their own imaginations rather than by digital images? Have they ever marked up a page, urgently engaged in a debate with the author? Can they even think of a book that has changed the way they see the world . . . or the Christian faith? If not, why not?

Does Dr. Mohler have your attention? Is there a solution here? A way forward? I think perhaps there is. A few suggestions:

1. Kids will follow their parents. Is reading a part of your life? A priority that can be demonstrated to your teen? If they can follow your passion for reading, they will be more likely to pick up that book as well.
2. Reading is a learned art. It may take time. Make it a part of your family dinner, or a regular weekend event. Or schedule daily time to just sit and read together (unplug the TV and the computer!).
3. Kids will read if they are inspired by the subject material. Choose books for your teen wisely, tracking interests and selecting topics appropriately.

Let’s get reading. The future of the Church’s love for God’s Word is at stake.

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PARENTS,
I mentioned recently that I am reading Piper’s short biography of William Wilberforce in The Roots of Endurance. There is a lot in this short bio that is worth reading, and the following quotation struck me as particularly helpful for parents. Describing the moral decline of his day, and the drift towards moralistic legalism, Wilberforce wrote:

The fatal habit of considering Christian morals as distinct from Christian doctrines insensibly gained strength. Thus the peculiar doctrines of Christianity went more and more out of sight, and as might natually have been expected, the moral system itself also began to wither and decay, being robbed of that which should have supplied it with life and nutriment.” (Piper, The Roots Of Endurance, 120)

Wilberforce is describing a culture in which the emphasis has shifted from the gospel itself to the conduct that the gospel should produce. As the focus moves from gospel content to gospel conduct, the vital core of the Christian life is eroded, leaving only a shell of external behaviors. Soon, the pressures of life, the allure of the world, or the enticements to sin crush the moral shell, leaving behind broken and fragmented remains that were once thought to be genuine faith.

While this is true on the macro level (such as in wider culture of Wilberforce’s day), it is also true on the micro level, in the day-to-day choices of our parenting and our interactions with our children. I think the lesson here is to beware moralism. While God requires us to require obedience from our children, we are concerned with more than outward forms. We want to help our children internalize the gospel: own their faith for themselves so that they begin to live for Christ rather than for themselves or for Dad and Mom.

How do we do this? Glad you asked. Stay tuned…

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Sorry parents, I’m a day late on Thursday Thoughts. Busy week.

For you today, I’m reprinting the questions I provided for you at the five15 BIG MEETING on Saturday night. These questions are adapted from material I got from Kenneth Maresco, one of the pastors at Covenant Life Church. I recommend using these questions to evaluate your leadership of your teens in your home. This is connected to the second point in the message I did–HOV: Proverbs on Family. The point was about a lesson for parents from Proverbs 1:8-9… about providing instruction and creating an atmosphere in your home in which your teens want to be.

Enjoy. And may these questions provoke many hours of fruitful discussion in your home:

• Let me share with you ways that I am encouraged about your progress…
• Do you have any observations for me as a dad/mom?
• Is there anything I have said or done that would cause you to struggle or you would want to bring to my attention?
• Do you feel that mom or I have treated you unfairly in any situation or circumstance that you would want to bring to my attention right now?
• Have you had any conversation with friends regarding issues or expressing thoughts, which you know I would be concerned about or want to know about? Have you engaged in any activities which you know your mom and I would not approve that you have not informed me about?
• Is there any thought on your mind that you know is wrong but you are having a hard time with?
• Are there any unresolved relational issues among you and this family or your friends?
• What things have been repeatedly on your mind during the past week or two? What have you been thinking about? What things specifically?
• What has been the main focus of your quiet times recently? What are you reading? What are you praying about? Are you benefiting from your devotional times or are you doing them primarily out of obligation?
• How do you feel about your relationship with God right now? Are you feeling passion for him and his kingdom? Is there anything competing for your affections right now that would hinder you from loving God with all your heart?
• Are there any girls/boys that you are having a hard time not thinking about? What are you thinking about them? Do you have any questions about relationships with guys or girls?
• Have you viewed any inappropriate images, or read any inappropriate material since we last met?
• How are you being diligent in managing your personal life? Devotional times, chores in the home, schoolwork, budget?
• What sins are you struggling with and how are you working on them? What have you done to work on your sin area? Do you have you any kind of plan?

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“Is my marriage glorifying to God?”

It’s often been said that the best thing parents can do for their kids is love Christ passionately and have a great marriage.
Theologian Andreas Köstenberger points out that asking, “Do I have a good marriage?” might be the wrong question. Better: “Is my marriage glorifying God?” He elaborates:

Rather than viewing having a good marriage as an end in itself, or using a human, relative standard of comparing our marriages with those of others or with some ideal set up by some popular current book on the subject, the goal of a God-glorifying marriage grounds the relationship with our spouse where it ought to be grounded: in the eternal, sovereign plan of God.

So, “Is my marriage glorifying God?” Dr. Köstenberger offers three criteria for evaluation:

1. Both spouses are growing in Christ
2. Both spouses are bearing fruit
3. The marriage is between Spirit-filled disciples of Christ

In a marriage like this, the husband and wife are too busy growing in Christ and serving him in tandem, and with their family, than to ask, “Do we have a good marriage?” A good marriage they have, but not because having a good marriage is ultimately their aspiration, but because anything we do in life that seeks to bring honor and glory to God (including how we conduct our marriage) will result in blessing.

Does this seem like an unrealistic goal? The painful reality of sin may make this at times feel unobtainable. But Ephesians 5 teaches us that marriage is a profound mystery, representing the relationship between Christ and his church. So we can pray and grow with confidence that God is not reluctant to answer prayers for our marriages.

First step: objective evaluation. Ask your spouse how you’re both doing, especially in number 1 and 2. Then, get others involved. Caregroup is a great place to start. Remember that “anything we do in life that seeks to bring honor and glory to God will result in blessing.”

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GirlTalk On Kauflin On Teens And Music

Any post that begins thus gets my attention:

How can we as parents make wise decisions on music that really glorifies God when we really don’t have specific guidelines? Do we simply go by what makes us comfortable and uncomfortable? How can we make our children make wise decisions when it comes to music?

This question was posed to the GirlTalkers recently, and they responded with a post on Tuesday, quoting extensively from Bob Kauflin. I think this is timely for us, since my invitation to our teens to Submit A Song to the five15 playlist has generated 75 some entries. It is easy to talk about songs, albums, and artists, but not so easy to talk about discernment and godliness. I think these words can help.

Allow me to quote the GirlTalkers, quoting Bob Kauflin: (by the way, this is just enough to get you started. To learn more, listen to these two messages by Bob: God, Music, and Me, part 1 and part 2)

This is a great question, and one that millions of Christian parents should be asking. How do I teach my children to be discerning in their music choices?

Typically Christians take one of two positions on how we should relate to music. Either we label certain kinds of music as evil and avoid them completely, or we assume that music is simply a matter of personal taste and we are free to listen to anything. Both views free us from actually thinking through the biblical issues. Here are a few thoughts to help us guide our children (and ourselves!) through the process in a way that honors God.

First, if your children are drawn to a certain kind of music or artist, make sure that you have a good relationship with them already established. If your children feel your correction more than your encouragement, if you see them as problems rather than gifts, or if you want to deal with this in a 5 minute lecture, you’re going to have difficulty helping them discern the right path to follow. Strong, godly family relationships are one of the greatest helps in resisting the deceptive pull of the world.

Second, communicate to your children that you are training them to be discerning in every area, including their musical choices. Until you know they mistrust their heart in this area and are self-disclosing, you should be aware of everything they listen to. The Internet and Ipods have made that a little more difficult than it used to be, but that’s why trust and self-disclosure are so important. Sit down and read lyrics together. Listen to music as a family. Talk about what makes songs good or bad. Parents who have no idea what their children listen to may be allowing the world to shape their children’s hearts and minds.

Third, I’d want to be very sure that my children are able to discern the difference between certain kinds of music and the ungodly culture often associated with it. I don’t believe that any musical genre is evil in itself. Rap music is one example. Typically, it’s associated with violence, cursing, rebellion, and abuse of women, among other things. However, I have a good friend at Covenant Life Church, Curt Allen (aka Voice), who has been instrumental in helping me see how rap can be used to communicate biblical truths effectively. However, if my children aren’t exhibiting discernment in other areas, I wouldn’t introduce them to a style of music or an artist whose associations could lead them to embrace worldly values and attitudes. My goal would be to help them see that listening to music without discernment and godly intent reveals a heart willing to flirt with love for the world (1 John 2:15-17). Sadly, that caution applies to music that is produced by Christians as well as non-Christians. Music videos, advertising, liner notes, web sites should all be considered when thinking about whether or not it’s good to listen to a certain artist. All these reveal whether or not an artist is seeking to honor God not only in their music, but in the way they dress, speak, and act.

Fourth, I wouldn’t let a desire to listen to a particular artist or style of music dominate their thinking, schedule, time, or desires. That often reveals the presence of idolatry. If their exposure to a certain kind of music produces godly fruit they can continue listening to it. But if I saw their countenance, actions, dress, speech, or behavior being negatively influenced by the music they were listening to, or if their spiritual zeal waned, I’d make the music off limits and talk to them about what was going on in their heart. I’d stress that this isn’t simply a matter of preference, but helping them think about their world more biblically.

I know some very godly teens and adults who like music and artists that I don’t particularly enjoy. But they listen to it occasionally, enjoy other genres, and reject the arrogant, immoral culture that often accompanies the secular versions. If I wasn’t convinced that that was my child’s attitude, I’d be foolish to allow them to feed their desire for a certain musical style, even with Christian lyrics.

In the final analysis, the question isn’t whether my children should listen to rap or country or jazz or the Barlow Girls. Rather, it’s whether or not my children distrust their hearts and desire to make choices that honor the Savior who bought them with his own blood. If I’m leading them in those areas, musical choices are going to come much easier.

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A Picture Of Proverbs
Dads, my familiar experience of cutting the grass the other day was interrupted by an unfamiliar sight. I pushed the mower to the end of a long row, tipped up the front wheels, and swung my Toro in a tight circle, only to find my path blocked by my three-year old pushing one of his toys. I immediately understood: Jack was imitating his daddy, helping to cut the grass with his “mower.”

My next thought was: “hey, this is how Proverbs is supposed to work.” A son following in his father’s footsteps and learning how to navigate life. Later, a different thought popped into my head, the same way a pinecone thumps into the lawnmower bag: “No, this isn’t how Proverbs is intended to work at all.”

I realized that I did not teach Jack about cutting the grass. He just started following my example. My example for my son is extremely important, but the book of Proverbs is about instruction. It’s about a father taking time–a lot of time–to speak to his boy about the opportunities and dangers of life. Over and over, the father in Proverbs appeals to his son on the basis of his instruction and teaching–his words to his son. Examples:

• Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching… (1:8)
• My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you… (2:1)
• My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments… (3:1)
• Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight (4:1)
• Hear, my son, and accept my words… (4:10)
• My son, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. (4:20)
• My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding, (5:1)
• And now, O sons, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. (5:7)
• My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching. (6:20)
• My son, keep my words and treasure up my commandments with you… (7:1)
• And now, O sons, listen to me, and be attentive to the words of my mouth. (7:24)

All of these examples come just from the first seven chapters! There is a clear priority here on a father’s instruction to his Son. A son needs to be instructed in the full range of topics that Proverbs addresses: God, work, money, family, friends, sex, leisure, and more. The topics for discussion aren’t limited to the book of Proverbs; I think we get a taste of the most important area for instruction in Romans 10:14, 17:

“But how are they to call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?… So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.”

The most important instruction we can pass on to our sons is not a lesson to learn, but truth to believe. It’s the gospel of Jesus Christ, perfect mediator, come to take away the sins of the world. Above all, we must be sure this lesson gets taught.

How would you assess your instruction to your son? The content, frequency, duration, and depth? Is it sufficient? Let’s make this a topic of conversation with our wives and the men in our caregroups. Let not our boys reach the end and say they didn’t know what to do.

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Are They Following Jesus?

I was listening to a sermon by Mark Dever yesterday on Proverbs 8 in which he posed a simple question. It’s a question worth asking any teens who are growing up in the church:

“Are you following Jesus Christ, or do you just happen to be going the same direction for a while?”

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That Proverbs is for youths, no one would deny. The opening verses of the book make this abundantly clear:

“To know wisdom and instruction,
to understand words of insight,
to receive instruction in wise dealing,
in righteousness, justice, and equity;
to give prudence to the simple,
knowledge and discretion to the youth…” (1:2-4)

That Proverbs is for parents to use to train their kids is not as immediately obvious. But a close reading of Proverbs will show that one of the original purposes was for fathers to use as a training manual for their sons. Consider these verses:

• Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching… (1:8)
• My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you… (2:1)
• My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments… (3:1)
• My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline or be weary of his reproof… (3:11)
• My son, do not lose sight of these—keep sound wisdom and discretion… (3:21)

And that’s just the first three chapters! John MacArthur explains how Proverbs can serve parents in the training of their children:

“But beyond the basic truths of the gospel are also many vital biblical lessons about character, integrity, justice, prudence, discernment, and all the practical issues of life. Parents are charged with the duty of carefully training their children with godly wisdom in all such matters.

“Proverbs is therefore a fitting textbook for parents, and fathers, in particular, to teach their children the kind of practical wisdom necessary for prosperity in this life. It is an inspired book of wisdom from the wisest father who ever lived, a vital compendium of the sort of practical widsom all parents need to pass on to their children.” MacArthur, What The Bible Says About Parenting, 69-70.

How to use Proverbs to train teens? It could come in a variety of forms. One suggestion from CJ: have your teens read a chapter of Proverbs each day. At dinner, have them pick one proverb from that chapter to discuss. Read together Charles Bridges’ entry on that proverb from his commentary. Talk together about how that proverb is relevant and helpful. I think you’ll find Bridges to be a wonderful resource, full of insight. Enjoy.

Next week: how to do a topical study in Proverbs with your teens.

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I recently learned that one of my favorite theologians–Andreas Köstenberger–has a blog. Dr. K is the author of many fine books, including an excellent commentary on the gospel of John and one of the best books I know of on the theology of the family: God, Marriage, and Family.

So learning that Dr. Köstenberger is writing on the blogosphere is like finding money in a coat pocket at the beginning of fall. Happy day! The blog, called Biblical Foundations, is part of “a ministry established to help rebuilding the biblical foundations for the home, the church, and society…” A vital ministry, to be sure.

In mid-July, Dr. Köstenberger helped his readers move “Toward a Christian Parenting Philosophy.” Here’s an example from this post of why I like Köstenberger so much:

“Ultimately, we should be careful not to rely on any one human method that, no matter how biblical it may claim to be, is always one step removed from the Bible. Our supreme trust should be in God and in his Word, and we must humbly acknowledge that our understanding of Scripture is not to be equated with the teaching of Scripture itself.”

Dr. K goes on to explain an important concept that must be mastered for parenting to be effective:

“Biblical parenting requires that parents understand [children] are not merely disobedient, they are also sinful, and they are disobedient because they are sinful. Hence, children ultimately need salvation, not merely parental discipline. Moreover, as mentioned, children are also “simple” in the scriptural meaning of that term (see Prov. 1:22), which requires parental instruction, training, and constant cultivation, much like a garden needs to be tended continually and consistently.”

The post goes on to describe ways the sinful motives of parents may interfere with parenting. The implication, I think, (though not explicitly stated) is that parents need the same Savior they are holding out to their children. Kids need the gospel; parents can show them how to use it! Are you aware of sinful actions, words, or motives towards your children or in your parenting? Great news. As our friend Richard Sibbes put it, “There is more mercy in Christ than sin in us.” Sounds a lot like a certain apostle: “…where sin increased, grace abounded all the more…”

Is sin abounding in your parenting? In your kid? Either way, the first step in the solution is the same: fly to Christ, and find forgiveness in his blood shed for sinners.

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Parents: I was thrilled to learn earlier this summer that Andre Yee has started a blog, bringing a God-centered, gospel-centered perspective to business. The Every Square Inch blog is devoted to conversations on the glory of Christ in business and culture.

I was especially interested to find that Andre took me up on the Summer Reading Challenge. If anything, Andre is even more excited about Paul Tripp’s Lost In The Middle than I am. If you’ve been reading Lost In The Middle, or if you’ve been considering reading it, you might be interested in Andre Yee’s comments over on this Every Square Inch blog. Andre explains why he likes Tripp’s manuscript on mid-life so much:

“Paul Tripp guides us through the challenges of midlife by bringing a gospel-centric view to this interesting period of life. As far as I know, it’s the first book of its kind written from a thoroughly biblical perspective… I’ve found that the strength of Tripp’s writings stems from his deeply insightful understanding of the human struggle matched with his commitment to bring biblical truth to bear on that struggle.

“What makes this book so engaging is the real life anecdotes interlaced through every chapter. I found myself identifying with the individuals in these stories and connecting those anecdotes to similar situations in my own life. I found that it made the advice dispensed in the book more memorable and applicable.

“One last point – don’t let the title fool you. I think “Lost in the Middle” has valuable lessons for readers of all ages. Many of the examples may be more applicable for those in midlife but the insightful interpretation of these life experiences and the biblically informed advice are lessons for a lifetime.”

Read the entire post here, or check out some of Andre’s more recent postings.

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